The closure of a chapter (Part 2)

For the past 3 months too many things have happened to be put into a single entry, so I shall not even attempt. But suffice to say that, even if given anything in the world, I would not trade it for what has gone by. Those are the memories I’m going to cherish forever and it shall not be perish. Sometimes when I close my eyes, the memories kept flashing back and even with the sudden quietness there is no way I would break the silence because I want to prolong the magic, to saviour those moments that we had, moments that we both shared. And that is when I realized what life had given to me, pure bliss. Those were the only times that I ever felt perfectly happy in my entire life. And it does reminds me of the time when I was a little child, I always thought life was supposed to end up like it portrayed in a film with a happy ending in waiting. I was taught to believe in a few certainties that we know now it’s not necessary true but was essential part of growing up. Instead life turns out to be nothing but a dream and sometimes it ended in tears. “Where is the happy ending gone?” I asked myself. Sometimes life can be cruel in a way that we could not possibly imagine. But we should agree life consists of happiness and pain, joy and grief. Today will be better, I swear. I really hope so.

God, pray that you bring us a sun tomorrow.

At the beginning it seemed like the perfect thing for both of us; a perfect romance that I’ve created in my mind but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance. Circumstance that is beyond our control and despite how much we tried; there is nothing else we could do other than to accept defeat. It’s rather strange how fate can play a part in our lives; we had been looking and searching for answers but it just nowhere to be found. And so it seems like we'll never have the chance and somehow it wasn’t meant for us. It just won’t ever be and we lost everything that we had. I just couldn’t bear to see her in pain and I couldn’t bear to see her in tears which is why I agreed to let her go to pursue her happiness elsewhere.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

She always wanted me to sing her a lullaby. Like a child needs to feel safe in the world, she wants to feel safe in the arms of the people she cherishes most. I would sing to her every single night. I told her that I will love her forever and I still do. She was my soulmate and probably still is if only.

I think the world of you.

It only takes a peanut butter dessert to kick start what we had. We had lot of funs; innocent funs with no repercussions and at times it felt like we were back to high school. Some say we took those first steps too quickly. It wasn’t love right away but I was intrigued by her sense of warmth and her humor. After nights similar to the first, I began to think a lot of her. We seemed to fit so perfectly, understand each other so well that we were very comfortable having each other around and that’s when I yearned to love her. She brought out the best in me, and showed when we were together, I meant something. She might be angry with me at night but will forgive me the next morning as if nothing had happened. I just love her too much I would do anything she said. I love how she makes me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how she can make a joke only I will understand. She’s funny in her own ways. I love how she’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how she can tell a story from her day and somewhat make me feel like I was there. Every time I hear her name or know that she is near, my eyes widen and I get nervous anticipating her arrival. She had touched my heart and it altered every plan I’ve made. I promised never to stop loving her and I still kept mine.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

It’s rather funny as how some feelings you can’t just deny and you can’t move on even though you try. There is a feeling of emptiness, as if someone has cut you in half. Like a child worries very much when his mom goes to hospital and he is without her. The once happiness within me dies. That feeling of emptiness. That damn terrible feeling.

27th of December 2009. The day I lost my dream. The day I lost the girl that I love.

It’s true that time can heal the wound but time can never kill the true heart. One heart out of two. One life just me and you.

Ti amo.