For the past 3 months too many things have happened to be put into a single entry, so I shall not even attempt. But suffice to say that, even if given anything in the world, I would not trade it for what has gone by. Those are the memories I’m going to cherish forever and it shall not be perish. Sometimes when I close my eyes, the memories kept flashing back and even with the sudden quietness there is no way I would break the silence because I want to prolong the magic, to saviour those moments that we had, moments that we both shared. And that is when I realized what life had given to me, pure bliss. Those were the only times that I ever felt perfectly happy in my entire life. And it does reminds me of the time when I was a little child, I always thought life was supposed to end up like it portrayed in a film with a happy ending in waiting. I was taught to believe in a few certainties that we know now it’s not necessary true but was essential part of growing up. Instead life turns out to be nothing but a dream and sometimes it ended in tears. “Where is the happy ending gone?” I asked myself. Sometimes life can be cruel in a way that we could not possibly imagine. But we should agree life consists of happiness and pain, joy and grief. Today will be better, I swear. I really hope so.
God, pray that you bring us a sun tomorrow.
At the beginning it seemed like the perfect thing for both of us; a perfect romance that I’ve created in my mind but yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect circumstance. Circumstance that is beyond our control and despite how much we tried; there is nothing else we could do other than to accept defeat. It’s rather strange how fate can play a part in our lives; we had been looking and searching for answers but it just nowhere to be found. And so it seems like we'll never have the chance and somehow it wasn’t meant for us. It just won’t ever be and we lost everything that we had. I just couldn’t bear to see her in pain and I couldn’t bear to see her in tears which is why I agreed to let her go to pursue her happiness elsewhere.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
She always wanted me to sing her a lullaby. Like a child needs to feel safe in the world, she wants to feel safe in the arms of the people she cherishes most. I would sing to her every single night. I told her that I will love her forever and I still do. She was my soulmate and probably still is if only.
I think the world of you.
It only takes a peanut butter dessert to kick start what we had. We had lot of funs; innocent funs with no repercussions and at times it felt like we were back to high school. Some say we took those first steps too quickly. It wasn’t love right away but I was intrigued by her sense of warmth and her humor. After nights similar to the first, I began to think a lot of her. We seemed to fit so perfectly, understand each other so well that we were very comfortable having each other around and that’s when I yearned to love her. She brought out the best in me, and showed when we were together, I meant something. She might be angry with me at night but will forgive me the next morning as if nothing had happened. I just love her too much I would do anything she said. I love how she makes me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how she can make a joke only I will understand. She’s funny in her own ways. I love how she’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how she can tell a story from her day and somewhat make me feel like I was there. Every time I hear her name or know that she is near, my eyes widen and I get nervous anticipating her arrival. She had touched my heart and it altered every plan I’ve made. I promised never to stop loving her and I still kept mine.
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
It’s rather funny as how some feelings you can’t just deny and you can’t move on even though you try. There is a feeling of emptiness, as if someone has cut you in half. Like a child worries very much when his mom goes to hospital and he is without her. The once happiness within me dies. That feeling of emptiness. That damn terrible feeling.
27th of December 2009. The day I lost my dream. The day I lost the girl that I love.
It’s true that time can heal the wound but time can never kill the true heart. One heart out of two. One life just me and you.
Ti amo.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The closure of a chapter (Part 1)
We're not the same, dear, as we used to be.
The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.
It was a relationship we have to end. There’s nothing else we could do but once we did, I felt nothing but hollow. It hurts like hell. No one possibly knows how difficult it could be. No one will ever know the pain that we had to go through. “Everything will be ok, I promised you.” Those were the words I used to say to her. We did try to resist but there’s come a point where we could not lie to ourselves anymore. There is simply no light at the end of the tunnel. There is simply no other option. The choice had been made and we acknowledged our own free will to leave. The residual bitterness still lingers but we have to move on for the best of us. It all started with a call and it all ended with a call.
Maybe I should let it rest but I do dream about simpler times. This chapter would not be forgotten and soon both of us would be laughing about it over coffee. Three months of ice melted away. Yes, it was a short memory yet there is nothing but sweetness. When we were together it was rarely painful. In fact we were very happy. At times I wish we could relive the memories. At times I wish it never ends. But as at now it remains as a wish.
I was attracted to all the rights and wrongs that make up the person that was her. She knew all the ways to drive me crazy, she’s just simply irresistible. I’ll always remember the strength that she gave me. I’ll always remember the love that she gave me. I remembered the first time I hold her hand. The rest of the night was a blur until after I sent her back home safe and sound, and I found myself back in my own bed. I could not sleep a wink... well, not with that silly grin hanging off my face.
We bury our love in the wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained.
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak.
And when spring arrived
We were taken by surprise when the floes under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me.
The feelings are mutual and no one is to be blame. Moving on from each other was one of the toughest things we have to go through. She had moved on now. And I have to. We are bound to live through all the events of our life. We may not like it, but we have to anyway. This pain will be over one day. Thanks to human nature, the tears will stop and the pain becomes milder and milder, milder and milder.
No one knows what installed for us in the future. Perhaps we were not meant for each other; perhaps we were not destined to be together. There are certain things that might remain the same. There are certain things that might change and it won’t be the same ever again. I could only hope for the best and for once I’m leaving it to fate.
We're not the same, dear,
And it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go
With nothing underneath.
And it saddens me to say
But we both know, well, it's true
That the ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.
The ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.
I think that sometimes love is the ability to let the person go. I said it to myself, “Thank you so much for having been in my life. Now, I have to let you go.” Then I may give my love as a gift, shine on others, bless those who are leaving me and let them go.
Valentine day is around the corner, I can’t help but thinking of her for a moment. Three months of ice melted away. Three months is all I had with her.
The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do
To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you.
It was a relationship we have to end. There’s nothing else we could do but once we did, I felt nothing but hollow. It hurts like hell. No one possibly knows how difficult it could be. No one will ever know the pain that we had to go through. “Everything will be ok, I promised you.” Those were the words I used to say to her. We did try to resist but there’s come a point where we could not lie to ourselves anymore. There is simply no light at the end of the tunnel. There is simply no other option. The choice had been made and we acknowledged our own free will to leave. The residual bitterness still lingers but we have to move on for the best of us. It all started with a call and it all ended with a call.
Maybe I should let it rest but I do dream about simpler times. This chapter would not be forgotten and soon both of us would be laughing about it over coffee. Three months of ice melted away. Yes, it was a short memory yet there is nothing but sweetness. When we were together it was rarely painful. In fact we were very happy. At times I wish we could relive the memories. At times I wish it never ends. But as at now it remains as a wish.
I was attracted to all the rights and wrongs that make up the person that was her. She knew all the ways to drive me crazy, she’s just simply irresistible. I’ll always remember the strength that she gave me. I’ll always remember the love that she gave me. I remembered the first time I hold her hand. The rest of the night was a blur until after I sent her back home safe and sound, and I found myself back in my own bed. I could not sleep a wink... well, not with that silly grin hanging off my face.
We bury our love in the wintery grave
A lump in the snow was all that remained.
But we stayed by its side as the days turned to weeks
And the ice kept getting thinner with every word that we'd speak.
And when spring arrived
We were taken by surprise when the floes under our feet bled into the sea
And nothing was left for you and me.
The feelings are mutual and no one is to be blame. Moving on from each other was one of the toughest things we have to go through. She had moved on now. And I have to. We are bound to live through all the events of our life. We may not like it, but we have to anyway. This pain will be over one day. Thanks to human nature, the tears will stop and the pain becomes milder and milder, milder and milder.
No one knows what installed for us in the future. Perhaps we were not meant for each other; perhaps we were not destined to be together. There are certain things that might remain the same. There are certain things that might change and it won’t be the same ever again. I could only hope for the best and for once I’m leaving it to fate.
We're not the same, dear,
And it seems to me
There's nowhere we can go
With nothing underneath.
And it saddens me to say
But we both know, well, it's true
That the ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.
The ice was getting thinner
Under me and you.
I think that sometimes love is the ability to let the person go. I said it to myself, “Thank you so much for having been in my life. Now, I have to let you go.” Then I may give my love as a gift, shine on others, bless those who are leaving me and let them go.
Valentine day is around the corner, I can’t help but thinking of her for a moment. Three months of ice melted away. Three months is all I had with her.
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