It’s been well documented that turning 30 is the point of no return not because the genetics is against you (which actually quite true in a sense because you cannot get fat around any part except the face and the belly and your hairline is desperate to meet your lower part) but rather the 30-year-old-syndrome-I’m-too-old-for-this-you-should-ask-me-five-years-earlier. On your 30th birthday, the not-so-forgiving Zeus will knock on your dream and say, “Son, turning 30 is no laughing matter, especially your hairline is receding rapidly and you are soon to be father for first time ever although the Supreme Council is yet to identify the identity of your child bearer. You will be engulfed by the feelings of fear, anguish and the unknown lay trapped beneath a mountain of questions and self-doubt. Let me emphasize this once and for all, your body will undergo a gruesome transformation and your soul will yearns to stay attached to the adventure of the 20’s which of course something of a past. My advice is simple; throw away the mirrors and you better get married before it’s too late!”
Let’s not reflect on what will you accomplish before you turn 30 or rather what you should accomplish before you turn 30 which in this case you are actually me. After months of consideration with much bloodshed, tears and zen-ness, I managed to trim down from a list of 1,548 items to just 10 as I'd rather not bother you with too many details.
1) Make my first million - 27 years ago, the not-so-forgiving Zeus knocked on my mom’s dream and told her “I don’t want to confuse you with the complexity of our situation but in a nutshell, your son should be born from February 20 to March 20. Traditionally, he will be ruled by the planet Jupiter but because the Almighty Aristotle is still recovering from alcoholism Pluto is no longer considered a planet and Neptune has taken over Jupiter’s place. He’s a Piscean but he has no talent in swimming and with all other Pisceans, he’s a dreamer armed with a lot of ambitious plans. But Madam, your son is the special one. He might be talking a lot about plans and ambitions and achieving little but you need not worry, your son will prevail!"
2) Date Jessica Alba or her resemblance at least - Without a doubt, she is the sexiest/absolutely stunning/hot actress ever. I got the feeling she might be a dumb bimbo but who cares! Her acting may not be great but sheer beauty makes you watch her do anything and do anything for her you will. Damn to hell the tricks nature plays on human males. Blessed with a body to die for, most straight guys would probably need a cold shower after seeing her. I could die a happy man if I had the chance to even say hi to her.
3) Visit at least one of the seven natures of the world - Imagine witnessing the awesome power and magnitude of Mother Nature first hand. You stood corrected, bewildered, entranced, enamored and wondering what has come over you, you'll realize that the answer is simple; it's pure bliss.
4) Watch the Champions League final live - For me, World Cup is overrated. Disagree? How many of the games actually live up to the reputation that precedes them? In all the matches I had seen so far, it’s either end up being heavily one sided or simply very drab and defensive-minded. Champions League football is much more entertaining and of course there is Manchester United element in there.
5) Watch a strip show - Watching strip show is just not about satisfying lust. After all, how much satisfaction one can get when all you see is silicone fake plastic boobs which feel no difference than a car tyre. But knowing the sacrifices that these women made and the sufferings they had been through had actually brought tears in my eyes and truly deserved my support.
6) Participate in an extreme sport - There are many strange and bewildering phobias, many of which are yet to be discover but acrophobia had always been associated with my species. Skydiving anyone?
7) Buy around-the-world air ticket and run away - That includes Antartica! The bottom of the world isolated from the rest, larger than Europe and United States combined, the last unspoiled place on the planet, clearly nature is in charge here, you will be amazed at the abundance of diverse wildlife that seems to be untroubled by the presence of humans. Its peculiar beauty will haunt you for the rest of your life!
8) Learn to cook at least one signature dish - You would not believe me if I am to tell you I managed to came up with a few creations of mine which is not just extremely deliciously-tasty-heavenly-appetizingly-nice-to-eat-bar-the-consequences but dead-easy to make but unfortunately I misplaced the goddamn recipe.
9) Stop walking into the same manhole twice - You see, God is fair. If you don’t learn your lesson, God will make sure you walk to the same fucking manhole but the only difference is that the next hurts more than the previous but of course my retarded genetic never able to grip with the fact for I would repeat the same fucking shit again the next day accidentally.
10) Say “I love you” to both of my parents - “You have no guts to do it, you Asian farts!” Hannah Montana.
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